John Calipari's Woe-Is-Us Garble Pays Off

Did anyone really expect any different?

Self-proclaimed Cinderella Memphis ripped Texas to shreds tonight with an 18 point lead and scored their first trip to the Final Four since 1985, this time sans rules violations. Out of all the number 1 seeds, Memphis was voted most likely to lose, but John Calipari started throwing pity party after pity party and everyone was invited. It apparently paid off big time as virtually everyone began scoring in the double digits as if they were promised a hundred bucks a point. Chris Douglas-Roberts came first with 25 points, Derrick Rose at close second with 21, Shawn Taggart with 12, and Joey Dorsey rounded them out with 11.

But what does Calipari think of the win? "There have been some doubters, but that's Okay," he said, acting as if he hadn't just referred to his team as the Cinderella-underdog type for longer than anyone really cared to listen.

I have to say, though, I feel a little bit sorry for Texas. After all, Southern pride runs high, and it's bad when you get beaten in your own home state. Some desperate fans began shouting, "Texas, fight!" A chant which Texas apparently confused with, "What are you doing, run away!" and took action.

But Calipari is proud of his boys and considers them the real Dream Team. He channeled his inner laureate and raised some eyebrows by saying he even wrote a poem about it. Unfortunately, no one wanted to read or hear it.

- Heather Akena

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Created by: HeatherAkena Last edited by: Berlin