Tiger Woods Attempts to Turn Into Kitten

Yes, more Woe-Is-Me fests from the world of sports, this time from Tiger Woods.

As he attempted to take a backswing last week, some photographer decided to take a picture of him, apparently ruining the shot for Woods. His reaction?

“The next time a photographer takes my picture, I'll break his neck!” Woods growled, minus the slew of profanities. Smooth, Tiger, real smooth.

But now he's trying to do damage control, as everyone seems to be doing lately and did his best “I'm really the innocent victim in all this, look how sweet I am” impression as he appeared on ESPN very calm and collected. Luckily, no one tried to take his picture.

The reporter gave Woods a chance to explain himself when she asked, “What do you say to those who question, not that you were angry about it, they understood the anger, but the level of anger and your choice of words?”

Woods' response: *Pause*. . . . . *blink* *blink*. “Well, you have no idea what's being said out there all the time on the golf course, really.” *blink* *blink*.

How did that have anything to do with what she just asked? How about, “I have a temper problem, and I'm working on it” or something helpful? Even if he didn't want to explain himself, he could've fumbled with his mic and said, "What was that? I didn't hear you. *fakes static noises into the mic*" He just gets away with all these little tantrums because he's an exceptional player. He needs to lay off the caffeine. It was almost like a kid who rats out their friend by saying, “He did it, too!” But, I must admit, he did sorta-kinda get it together enough to say that, “It was the heat of the moment. I was frustrated, and I was trying to get myself right back into the event.” Well, I guess if I needed to jump right back into my game, I'd threaten to break someone's neck, too. Not.

Okay, sure. Photog, use a silent shutter next time, or attach a silencer to the camera so Woods won't wrap his golf club around your face like a bow. But if Woods wants to threaten someone, how about doing it when there's reason to, like, say, if the photographer had thrown the camera at his head. But, in all seriousness, does Woods have such a huge case of ADD that a single, tiny click is equivalent to a 6.0 earthquake? He claims that such distractions affect his game . . . if they do, I think he needs to see a doctor because that's not normal. Next thing you know, he'll knock out a poor bird like a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the face and say that the chirping cost him his shot, so the bird had to go. Is anyone even buying this anymore?

My advice to Tiger: Eat a nice, healthy bowl of Frosted Flakes in the morning and drink some milk. It isn't that bad.

- Heather Akena

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Created by: HeatherAkena