Trevor Immelman Wins the Masters

Everyone else has a hard time still looking talented

Tiger Woods looked like either the reporter with the microphone in his face wasn't wearing any deodorant or some invisible weights had been attached to the side of his mouth after losing the Masters to Trevor Immelman. His expression then changes to one of sorrow as he whines about how bad he did and wasn't happy with his playing performance. Pictures are then interwoven through the video of Tiger looking up at photogs with a psychotic look on his face. I presume this was done because no one dared to take a picture of him while he was talking and/or playing. As the reporters bombarded him with questions about Immelman, Woods mentions that he, “hit it well enough to put the heat on Trevor, definitely.” You call being five shots behind putting the heat on someone? Like a hairdryer trying to melt ice in the Tundra . . .

But all this talk about the past year of Immelman's life and all his problems got me thinking: perhaps he should check for any opposing player shirts buried in the foundations of his house. A viral parasite, a benign tumor that required surgery . . . it sounds quite unlucky. But he came back, and he won with some good old-fashioned skill, making him the first South African in that atrocious colored green jacket in 30 years.

Woods, for his part, is hanging his head and wondering what went wrong. Whatever it was, he wasn't the only victim (but more about that in a second). He had originally thought the majors were easily within his reach and wasn't shy to the press about it. I hope you like bitter tasting words, Tiger, cause they're on the menu. He made three birdies for the game, one of which at the last hole. Woods gave the hole a “talk to the hand” wave and silently wished he could break its neck.

But, as I said before, Woods wasn't the only one having trouble. The Amen Corner claimed its first victim, Paul Casey, relatively early on on the number 4 when he dropped down in the rank with a double bogey. By the end of it, he had a 79.

Snedeker came next, his momentum slowing after managing a 35-foot eagle putt on the number 2 and briefly rising again for a 45-foot birdie putt on the number 12. But it wouldn't be enough. The biggest mistake for Snedeker came on the number 13. He was feeling pretty good from his birdie until the bird got sucked into an airplane engine as, for the second day in a row, the ball launched itself into Rae's Creek prompting Snedeker to attempt to snap his club in half. It didn't work.

It was Immelman's day to shine at the masters, as his victory became not only a story of triumph, but one of perseverance.

- Heather Akena

currently 4.00/5 1 2 3 4 5 4.0/5 (1 Vote)

Created by: HeatherAkena